On the third night of games of the third Preseason NTT, things took a turn towards the surreal. Four teams entered the night with 1-1 records, and for the second straight year, point differential would determine the champion. In the opener, Bethlehem and Helena would take on one another and allow Brunswick and Branson to know what margin they needed to win by to secure the title.
In the opener, Helena ran past Bethlehem and recorded another 27 FTAs on the way to a 91-77 victory. The impressive win meant that the winner of the nightcap would need to put on a show in order to secure the championship. Branson would defeat Brunswick by a score of 79-67, but the final margin was not enough to throw Helena off of its perch as the new Preseason NTT champions. At least that’s what was supposed to happen.
Coach dwetzel and his players were back in street clothes and came out onto the court to accept their trophy. Up on the podium, Jim Nantz presented the hardware to dwetzel and asked him what this win meant for his team.
“Thank you, Jim. This has been a very hard fought tournament throughout its short history, and to say that we are the champi–”
Then, without warning, Vince McMahon’s “No Chance” entrance music flooded the arena and overpowered the voice of the coach. The WWE chairman strutted onto the floor and instructed Nantz to throw him a microphone. McMahon then began his soliloquy.
“2-1? You’re proud of going 2-1? What kind of man are you? You think you’re a champion? Let me tell you something, coach. Where I come from, we have a rule that says a champion can not lose his title due to disqualification. It seems to me that claiming to be the new champion based on point differential is alot like claiming ownership of a title belt after a disqualification. No, no, no, that’s not gonna fly here, boy. If you want to beat the champion, you’ve got to beat the champion!”
At that point, another microphone was tossed to dwetzel who pointed out that Helena had defeated Branson in the second game of the tournament, and quite handily.
The sellout crowd came to its feet, but not for the reason dwetzel thought. Still preening over the point he had just made, dwetzel was unaware that coach fallooooon and the rest of the Luchadores came out of the tunnel behind the Helena players and coach. They each ascended the platform with steel chairs in hand and clobbered their counterparts from behind. Then each player tossed a Pretzel off the podium. Jesus Watts then came over and picked dwetzel up. Fallooooon slapped him, and then stepped back as Watts thrust dwetzel’s head between fallooooon’s legs. Fallooooon hooked dwetzel’s arms behind his back and delivered a vicious pedigree to the bloodied coach.
Fallooooon stood back up and made the belt motion around his waist, as McMahon climbed onto the podium and grabbed one of fallooooon’s arms and raised it triumphantly in the air.
“That was a real slobberknocker!” Nantz bellowed into the microphone and the arena faded to black as the show went off the air.
At a press conference held moments later, PNTT officials said they didn’t know what the hell was going on, but Helena was still the champion of the third annual Preseason NTT. Congratulations to the Pretzels!